OF SOCIAL CONDUCT AND BEHAVIOUR
I read a friend’s blog with great interest recently. You see, the good thing about blog is that most of the writings are from real life experiences and how the writer perceives them. And more often than not, I would ask myself whether I would act, react or think the same way, given the same circumstances. Just bear in mind, disagreement in opinion does not carry with it any outward hostility towards anyone…(this is not one of those Abdullah-Mahathir squabbles!).
The topic was so relevant to me and still is. The writer talks, metaphorically, about “recycled” products within the same social circle and how, at all cost, it should be avoided, since social conventions demand us to do so. I beg to differ.
Not so long ago, I was with a man for a while and we almost made it to the altar, but alas, I guess we were just not meant for each other. I do not want to get into the nitty-gritty of the story; he has since moved on and I’d like to think that I have a bit of decency to respect their privacy. But the thing is, she was within the same social circle, a friend in fact. Was I upset initially? Yes, but not because she’s a friend, but because of the double betrayal that happened before the relationship ended. Would I be upset if it had happened after our relationship ended? Chances are, no, though there would be awkward moments initially.
All three of us are in the same social circle and it’s inevitable that we would have to face each other every now and then during our social outings. But, with a bit of help from our dear friends, we have reached a stage where we can all go out and have fun together. Truth be told, the more I look at them and how they treat each other, the more I become convinced that they are indeed made for each other. And I am honestly and sincerely happy for my ex and friend. In her own funny ways, she has been good to him. Were they desperate when they started going out with each other? I don’t think so. Both are very attractive people and definitely do not qualify as desperados. They’re some of those people who can pick and choose who they want to be with. And the beauty is, they chose to be with each other. My point is, just because your friend is dating or marrying your ex, it does not mean they’re desperate bummers. Perhaps, it IS their jodoh.
And talking about “recycled” products and social circles, KL is getting smaller by the day. You can never run too far away. There is always a missing link somewhere. “Oh! You were in the UK before? You know so and so? She’s my friend! What you’re her ex?” or “You’re in States? Where? NY? Geez! My good friend is working there!! U used to go out with her?” or “You used to work at XYZ Corp? My friend’s there. What? You’re close to her? What a small world…”
Take my B for example. I thought I finally have someone who is not within my usual social circle until I discovered certain connections (which shall remain within the private domain). Who would’ve thought, since it’s the most unlikely connection! We ourselves were slightly taken aback by the discovery earlier on. But, should that deter our relationship? I don't think so. At least that's what my unworldly pea size brain thinks.
His divorce is going to be finalized soon (For the record, they have been seperated for a while before I met my B and she's one cool lady. Mungkin jodoh mereka tak panjang). So, he’s a recycled product la! I was engaged before, so another recycled product. And we discovered his wife is my friends’ friend. Hence, we’re more or less in the same social circle though we never knew of each other’s existence before. So, according to the writer’s definition, that makes my relationship with my B plainly disgusting! And both of us lazy desperados who are just not bothered to venture out for a more exciting sweep. Hhhmm…
Another point to ponder upon; at this age, we are all “recycled” products in some ways or another. Chances are we’re all someone’s ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex wife, ex husband, ex fiancé etc. We’re no longer in high school where we can claim to having our first love or first crush.
But then again, I agree there are people who would jump blindly at the mere chance of owning these recycled products. Their intentions though, remain unknown to me. My rule of thumb is, whatever that my ex wants to do is none of my concern. An ex should remain an ex in every sense. I try to avoid human “wayang kulit” (shadow play). This is the term I use to describe the ex who still lingers in the background after a breakup. “Wayang kulit” is physically and mentally tiring. It makes you swing like a pendulum. It makes you dizzy and queasy. It’s also akin to the aches on your body, the kind where you can’t locate the pain precisely. And without proper diagnosis, it would be difficult to prescribe the correct antidote. The eventual would be a prolonged sickness. Personally, I prefer a clean cut. It hurts like hell. You bleed, but at least, you know where the cut is. All you have to do is nurse the wound and with time and a lot of care from family and friends, it will heal. And when you’re completely healed, it’s time to move on. Everyone deserves a fresh start. Everyone deserves to be happy.
My experience has taught me to not pass judgment on people so easily. Hati perlu dijaga, semampu yang mungkin. Giving opinion, yes, but to judge is another. We might say what we think, but the decision is never ours. And we should learn to respect our friend’s decision, though we sometimes could not fathom his or her flow of thoughts.
It was a long and painful process but I have also learned to not be so “angkuh” in my opinions. We might find ourselves swallowing our own words, someday. The Almighty works in mysterious ways. So Ms O, never say never (ok, ok…).
Having said all these, my guess is, to each its’ own. We all have our own moral yardstick when it comes to social conventions and how we conduct ourselves and interact with other members within the social circles.
Kita boleh berusaha sedaya-upaya dalam menentukan hala tuju hidup dan jodoh masing-masing. Namun, muktamadnya, siapa yang tahu?
The topic was so relevant to me and still is. The writer talks, metaphorically, about “recycled” products within the same social circle and how, at all cost, it should be avoided, since social conventions demand us to do so. I beg to differ.
Not so long ago, I was with a man for a while and we almost made it to the altar, but alas, I guess we were just not meant for each other. I do not want to get into the nitty-gritty of the story; he has since moved on and I’d like to think that I have a bit of decency to respect their privacy. But the thing is, she was within the same social circle, a friend in fact. Was I upset initially? Yes, but not because she’s a friend, but because of the double betrayal that happened before the relationship ended. Would I be upset if it had happened after our relationship ended? Chances are, no, though there would be awkward moments initially.
All three of us are in the same social circle and it’s inevitable that we would have to face each other every now and then during our social outings. But, with a bit of help from our dear friends, we have reached a stage where we can all go out and have fun together. Truth be told, the more I look at them and how they treat each other, the more I become convinced that they are indeed made for each other. And I am honestly and sincerely happy for my ex and friend. In her own funny ways, she has been good to him. Were they desperate when they started going out with each other? I don’t think so. Both are very attractive people and definitely do not qualify as desperados. They’re some of those people who can pick and choose who they want to be with. And the beauty is, they chose to be with each other. My point is, just because your friend is dating or marrying your ex, it does not mean they’re desperate bummers. Perhaps, it IS their jodoh.
And talking about “recycled” products and social circles, KL is getting smaller by the day. You can never run too far away. There is always a missing link somewhere. “Oh! You were in the UK before? You know so and so? She’s my friend! What you’re her ex?” or “You’re in States? Where? NY? Geez! My good friend is working there!! U used to go out with her?” or “You used to work at XYZ Corp? My friend’s there. What? You’re close to her? What a small world…”
Take my B for example. I thought I finally have someone who is not within my usual social circle until I discovered certain connections (which shall remain within the private domain). Who would’ve thought, since it’s the most unlikely connection! We ourselves were slightly taken aback by the discovery earlier on. But, should that deter our relationship? I don't think so. At least that's what my unworldly pea size brain thinks.
His divorce is going to be finalized soon (For the record, they have been seperated for a while before I met my B and she's one cool lady. Mungkin jodoh mereka tak panjang). So, he’s a recycled product la! I was engaged before, so another recycled product. And we discovered his wife is my friends’ friend. Hence, we’re more or less in the same social circle though we never knew of each other’s existence before. So, according to the writer’s definition, that makes my relationship with my B plainly disgusting! And both of us lazy desperados who are just not bothered to venture out for a more exciting sweep. Hhhmm…
Another point to ponder upon; at this age, we are all “recycled” products in some ways or another. Chances are we’re all someone’s ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, ex wife, ex husband, ex fiancé etc. We’re no longer in high school where we can claim to having our first love or first crush.
But then again, I agree there are people who would jump blindly at the mere chance of owning these recycled products. Their intentions though, remain unknown to me. My rule of thumb is, whatever that my ex wants to do is none of my concern. An ex should remain an ex in every sense. I try to avoid human “wayang kulit” (shadow play). This is the term I use to describe the ex who still lingers in the background after a breakup. “Wayang kulit” is physically and mentally tiring. It makes you swing like a pendulum. It makes you dizzy and queasy. It’s also akin to the aches on your body, the kind where you can’t locate the pain precisely. And without proper diagnosis, it would be difficult to prescribe the correct antidote. The eventual would be a prolonged sickness. Personally, I prefer a clean cut. It hurts like hell. You bleed, but at least, you know where the cut is. All you have to do is nurse the wound and with time and a lot of care from family and friends, it will heal. And when you’re completely healed, it’s time to move on. Everyone deserves a fresh start. Everyone deserves to be happy.
My experience has taught me to not pass judgment on people so easily. Hati perlu dijaga, semampu yang mungkin. Giving opinion, yes, but to judge is another. We might say what we think, but the decision is never ours. And we should learn to respect our friend’s decision, though we sometimes could not fathom his or her flow of thoughts.
It was a long and painful process but I have also learned to not be so “angkuh” in my opinions. We might find ourselves swallowing our own words, someday. The Almighty works in mysterious ways. So Ms O, never say never (ok, ok…).
Having said all these, my guess is, to each its’ own. We all have our own moral yardstick when it comes to social conventions and how we conduct ourselves and interact with other members within the social circles.
Kita boleh berusaha sedaya-upaya dalam menentukan hala tuju hidup dan jodoh masing-masing. Namun, muktamadnya, siapa yang tahu?
posted by Ms O at 12:49 pm
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