THE STATE WE ARE IN

As I read the news this morning, I wept uncontrollably. Tried as I might, the tears just couldn’t stop flowing. There was this excruciating pain in my heart; pain of sadness and helplessness on one hand and unimaginable anger on the other. And I was not even the one who carried her in the womb for 9 months.

Such atrocity! How it came about and what drove a person to commit such barbaric act is beyond me. Is it a reflection of our failure as a society? Are not adults responsible to provide safe and healthy surroundings for the children to grow up in? Could we had done anything more? What can we do to stop this nightmare?

Ya Allah! At times like this, I pray for your guidance and compassion. My faith in You is the only guiding light that’s helping me get through this period of doubt and uncertainty. I know that You have a greater plan for the girl; she will be your guest in your beautiful firdaus right where she belongs, smiling from one ear to another for she knows there could not be a better place for her than where she is right now. I know You do not want us to weep her death but You want us to weep at the state we are in as individuals and society.

The worst thing we can do right now is turn a blind eye and deaf ear and pretend as if it had never happened. Let us be more alert, more vigilant no matter where we are. Maybe it’s time to get to know our neighbours and their children better. Maybe it’s time for us to pay more attention to the happenings in our neighbourhood especially, more closely. Maybe it’s time for us to be less selfish and start to think and care a bit more about other people too. Maybe it’s time for each of us to be a better member of our society. We should not let her die in vain.

May you rest in peace, little girl. Amin.

Salam Ramadhan by the way...

CRAZY WOMAN

Let me warn you. This post is going to be one BIG bitching session. There'll be vulgarities. I need to vent it all out. If you're hesitant, PLEASE don't proceed. Just leave.

To-one-pathetic-crazy-biatch! (YES! YOU!),

Honestly, we don't give a shit about you and your husband. Seriously. You're the one acting like a lunatic, sms-ing, complaining about your husband's affair with "THAT" woman. And for a while, I truly pitied you. We both pitied you. And we thought, never mind, just let her be. Perhaps she needs someone who's not judgemental towards her, to let out her frustration and somehow you seem to find some common grounds with Mr. H.

How you perceived THAT woman....I don't give a toss. I DON'T FUCKING CARE! What you want to do with your life, it's your damned prerogative. The fact that you're allowing your husband to marry THAT woman, IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS! Why should we care? It's you who has to share your husband. It's you who has to spend nites alone in bed imagining your husband screwing some other woman. If you can live with that, good for you! And you know what, it has got nothing to do with us.

But it IS our problem when you try to mess up with our lives and drag us into your pile of shit! We have all moved on. For you to say that it's a lesson learnt for Mr. H is just WAY, WAY out of place.

First of all, who do you think you are? Yes, you're trying to justify (we didn't even ask you to coz we just don't care) your husband taking another wife. Perhaps you want to look at yourself in the mirror first? Let it be a lesson learnt for Mr. H??? Girl, he's learned his leasson long time ago. He tried so hard to save his previous marriage. He tried so hard to improve himself. Finally he realized his self worth and moved on. Your husband marrying THAT woman?? That's YOUR LESSON LEARNED, GIRL!

You think Mr. H is still hard-up for THAT woman and because of that, u think he cares about the MAN she's currently screwing??? I wonder who gave you the idea that Mr. H still has undying love for THAT woman. For your information he's now happily married to a woman who loves him with all her heart, who takes him as he is, with all his imperfections because she knows she ain't perfect either. Perhaps, together, they can help each other to become better beings. And you THINK HE'S GONNA CRY BECAUSE THAT WOMAN IS MARRYING YOUR HUSBAND???? GILA KE HAPA???

And if you think THAT woman needs a protector and your husband happens to be THE knight to protect her, bagus la. Kita hidup ni, memang kena belajar terima hakikat. At least, you know your husband is marrying THAT woman not because he wants a new warm body in bed with him, bumping and grinding his nights away. langsung tak......SUMPAH...

"Niat abang suci sayang. Abang nak tolong pompuan tu. Kesian dia. Dia dan anak-anak dia (macam la budak2 tu takde bapak) perlukan perlindungan dari lelaki yang hebat dan perkasa macam abang ni. Anak-anak kita, sayang jaga la sendiri, ya? Ex-husband dia tu, dah hancurkan hidup dia! Memang haprak punya lelaki! Tengok la pompuan tu sekarang. Merana...pakai baju pun, kain selalu tak cukup. Sayang tak sedih ke? It's nothing physical at all sayang. And it's not because of you. You takde cacat celanya. Percaya la. Abang cuma nak melindung pompuan teraniaya tu dari bekas suaminya yang dah pun moved on and happily married and yang kalau tak kerana anak-anak, tak nak tengok langsung muka pompuan yang lidahnya bercabang-cabang dan hebat berlakon. Jaja cerita sedih (kononnya la) untuk dapatkan simpati lelaki. Ish, ish, ish.... Memang tak ada orang lain yang lebih merana la dari pompuan tu satu Malaya ni. Dahsyat sayang. Kalah cerita Hindustan. Sayang izinkan la abang kawin lagi satu, ya???"

Please la. Leave us alone. If you want to get upset or go cuckoo, don't include us. We have enough friends in our lives and we don't need lunatic like you hovering around like a pest.

Whilst you're busy spitting on the path Mr. H is walking, keep on a look out on the path you're taking. If you're not careful, you might get lost. Think about it.

There are always two sides of the story. And the truth is always less believable. Lies... you can modify and alter them to suit your needs and make it appear real. You can't do that with the truth.

NEW JOB

The sun is glaring. I can see the clouds moving towards my direction and I wonder if it’s going to rain later. If it does, then I’m screwed! How am I supposed to get to Bangsar by 7.30 this evening? KL traffic condition is known to be in tandem with the weather. We’re all victims of our own actions. We get what we give; ignore the environment and Mother Nature will ignore us.

Update: I have since left the office situated somewhere off the Federal Highway. I was a bit sad but it was a timely departure. I saw the organization grew to what it is today and I can’t help but feel like a parent bidding her kid farewell. Ah well, such is life. When the moment arrives, we move on. And no one, I mean ABSOLUTELY no one, is indispensable.

I’m enjoying my new job though it’s nerve wrecking. My immediate task is to clean up this particular department and start afresh. There are thousand and one things to do. Data management seems to be the biggest issue. And it’s not easy to convince people on the importance of managing data properly and systematically. Whatever business you’re in, I always believe that good data management is crucial. You don’t want to spend half a day scouring for data when you need it promptly for your decision making. Time wasted equals money lost.

But the job has its perks. One of it is my spacious room with a view. Funny how I’ve always dreamed of having an office suite similar to the one I’m having right now; glass wall (only partial, but good enough) with maximum sunlight and the “Golden Triangle” as part of my view. It makes a whole lot of difference since I would have something more than just empty walls to look at when I’m in need of “inspiration”. And boy!! Am I in need of a lot more than just inspiration. Divine intervention more like it! Work is piling up at an exponential rate and again, after a long, long while, I feel the need to conjure up the "Goddess with ten hands" in me.

Having said all this, I feel bad. I feel bad because I don't think I have been a good wife. It's hard trying to be a super woman. Most of the time I feel so drained out and my only motivation would be going home to "that" big hug and smiling face. Now I realize it's no easy feat juggling family and career. I wish I can be home in time to cook dinner for Mr. Husband. I wish I have more time with him to do the things we enjoy doing together. I love my career and I love my family. But I will not give up my family for anything else. That much I know. Push come to shove, I'll leave my career, willingly.

In the meantime, I pray to God for His guidance. I pray for mental and physical strength. I'm trying the best I could...

WEEKEND

Saturday morning…woken up by a light kiss on the forehead from Mr. Husband. And I was further greeted by this! Breakfast in bed!!! Scrambled egg, toasts and milk. I was beaming!!!

No, it’s not our anniversary. Nope. It’s not my birthday either. And no, we didn’t have any argument prior. He did it…just because.

I’m spoilt, rotten. No shame whatsoever. Saya chenta saya punya hoosbang. With all my heart.

The weekend was spent entirely at home. It’s the first time ever, since our wedding almost three months ago, that we managed to have solid quiet time together. I cooked all his favourite dishes and stuffed him well, much to his dismay later, in the light of his increasing waistline…hahahaha!

Next week, I’ll be starting my new job. I’m nervous. I know the expectation is high. And I know myself. I’ll work myself up, get all stressed up initially. But it’ll be fine, Insyaallah.

Though I hate to admit it, I’m a sucker for challenges. I have this constant need to prove myself wrong. The presumption is always negative. And I’ll do whatever possible to prove myself otherwise.

It’s not always good…this negative presumption. I am my worst judge. Sometimes, there’s nothing worse than trying to meet my own expectations. The thing is I tend to have less mercy on myself because I can’t possibly lie or give any invalid excuses. To sum it all up, I can be my greatest enemy.

Will try to write more later. I have to get back to work.

KITCHEN

My kitchen, my temple, is no longer an imaginary space in my head. Yes, it’s finally completed. Well, about 90 percent done. The built-in cabinets and fitted stove and ovens are in. Now is the nitty-gritty phase: some drillings here and there, maybe a trip or two to Ikea and perhaps replace the back door.

We’re slowly turning the place into a home, OUR home. Nothing fancy-schmancy but it’s our nest, nonetheless. I might post some pictures soon. I might.

MONDAY

A beautiful song by Kopratasa.

Permata (Untuk Isteri Ku)

Telah ku siapkan satu daerah paling sunyi
Dalam hati ini untuk kau isi sebagai isteri
Untuk kau penuhi dengan kemuliaan seorang wanita
Untuk kau beri erti dengan kelembutan
Untuk kau hargai dengan kasih sayang

Ku ingin kau jadi wanita mulia
Yang tahu harga budi dan hati
Seorang lelaki bernama suami

Kerana engkau isteri
Ku ingin kau mengerti bahawa hidup ini
Tak semudah yang kita janjikan
Yang kita janjikan
Kerana kau isteriku

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Image from www.signs-up.com


Let me tell you the answer: The chicken wanted to go to the museum! Seriously!!

I still have about two weeks of driving across town to go and come home from work. The traffic I have to endure daily is not funny at all. Those living in KL, think Lebuhraya Mahameru, Jalan Tun Razak and MRR2. Geddit?

Ok, I digressed slightly. Let’s get back to the chicken that crossed the road. I was behind my wheels yesterday on Lebuhraya Mahameru, Jalan Tun Razak bound, cursing the traffic. Then, as I was approaching the National Museum…guess what I saw??? YES! A chicken crossing the road. NO! A chicken crossing the HIGHWAY!! And the chicken was clever too. It loitered by the side of the divider lane waiting for the cars to slow down. What do you know?? An educated chicken trying to make its way to the museum. Now, that’s a sight we won’t see everyday.

After getting over my initial shock of seeing an “ayam” in the middle of Lebuhraya Mahameru, I started to laugh so hard, I think the other drivers must have thought I was some kind of a looney! I looked around. No other drivers laughed. Not funny, meh???

YELLOW

I was browsing the net this morning while having breakfast. I realized something; Malaysians are a horny bunch AND/OR we are soooo sexually deprived! Click on the local newspapers online, you’ll notice the most accessed stories are, more often than not, those with catchwords such as sex, sex and more sex.

Kenapa ya?