HAVE A KIT KAT

There won't be any new postings on my blog for a while. I have to attend to some important things out there in mortals land and it's sucking all my energy.

Come to think of it, sometimes, absence and silence are good, kan? See you guys soon! Turning on my disappearing mode...

LUNCH

The food court was abuzz with people. Smartly dressed men and women from nearby offices, weekdays shoppers with their prized bargains, young couples walking hand in hand...

Then, amidst the crowd, I saw him; This stranger...he walked past, with his daughter holding on to the edge of his t-shirt and his son in his arms. My eyes were glued to them. I smiled to myself. It reminded me of you and the kids. All my thoughts went to you. And suddenly, I wished you were here. I wished so hard till a heavy feeling came crushing my chest.

Though your absence is driving me nuts, it has somehow made me realize how much you and your kids mean to me. See you soon, B. I can't wait.

FASHION FAUX PAS

Dear Fashion Police,

I have this problem. I know it might seem trivial to some, but it is bothering me so much, that I feel the need to let it out to someone and find ways to tackle the issue. Recently, I hired this particular staff as an analyst. She's smart, driven, fast, yada-yada... Obviously, I was impressed and still am. But there's only one problem: Last week, she came in wearing something that looked like a curtain material. And it was ELECTRIC GREEN with ten other colours and motives on it! To add to my horror, her handbag was made from some kind of crocheted material and it had fur balls hanging!!! EEEKKSSS!!!!! Honestly, I almost choked the moment I saw her walking into the office that morning.

Yesterday, she did it again (oops!). She wore a white bubble skirt. Now, please tell me....who in the right mind would wear a BUBBLE skirt to work???? To make it worse, her sweater and her pair of white ballerina pumps have matching ribbons on them. At this point, I was ready to cry!!!

Don't get me wrong, the girl is nice and I don't hate her at all. But she clearly needs help with her wardrobe. I want to make her realize that she'll look better in a dark knee length pencil skirt and plain cream v-neck sweater complemented with a pair of not-so-high black heels. Sometimes, less is more, right?

What should I do?

Yours sincerely,

Stressed out Boss

THE LIST

Recently, the effervescent Ms Farah Ashikin came up with an interesting question: "If you're given the chance to produce a soundtrack album to complement your life story, which songs will make it to your list? Oh yes, you can only choose 10 songs."

Hhmm...10 songs only? That's a tough one. Let me see... It's not a pre-requisite for the songs to have direct correlation to any particular event in my life. Rather, they are simply some of the numbers that I listen to the most.

1. Joget Pahang - Tan Sri P. Ramlee
2. Beautiful Day - U2
3. Stuck in A Moment - U2
4. I Can't Make You Love Me - George Michael
5. It Might be You - Stephen Bishop
6. Ocean Drive - Lighthouse Family
7. Man on the Moon - R.E.M
8. Between The Sheets - The Isley Brothers
9. Turn Your Lights Down Low - Bob Marley and Lauryn Hill
10. Could it be I'm Falling in Love - The Stylistics

Not definitive enough. My list is subject to changes. I need a compilation of 20 songs!!!!

Ror, Kak Semah, Cai and the lot....how would your list look like? Let it be known...Share la!!

WHAT IS LOVE?

One of the most archaic questions. Nevertheless, it is one we repeatedly ask, tirelessly. I come to a conclusion that it differs for everyone. There is no standard answer. How we perceive love is usually defined by how we see life and the many experiences it entails. How do I define love?

Love is when you don't need to be with that person. Rather, you want to be with him.

Love is when you wake up in the morning and the thought of him makes you smile.

Love is when you wake up in the morning and his smile brightens up your day.

Love is not conditional.

Love is without reservation.

Love is about patience and wisdom in times of hardship.

Love is rejoicing all his greatness and accepting all his weaknesses.

Love is the willingness to put his happiness above your own.

Love is humility.

Love is the courage to let him go and find his true self.

Love is having faith in him.

Love is to be by his side, to be his backbone, always.

Love is to know that you want to be with him for the rest of your life.

Love is to know that you can give your heart to him, fearlessly.

The image of you sitting in the living room, gazing far into time and space crosses my mind. I know you're only gone for a day. But I'm already counting hours till you come home.

SENSE AND SENSIBILITY

The little drama in my office is finally concluding. It ends well too, to everyone's delight. For my part, I'm glad I don't have to assume any responsibility beyond what I have currently. "There's always a time and place for everything", as I mentioned to my B last night over dinner. I want to make sure that I am ready for such commitments. A BIG title comes with an equally BIG responsibility. And, as it is now, I am not ready. Please give me another two years, boss...

Another happening: A slight misunderstanding with my B had conjured up the drama queen within and I had, unintentionally, blew everything out of proportion.

But, all that is well, ends well. Never one to cause further furore, my B took it calmly and weaved his way to my slightly sensible part of the brain, gently and patiently. It seems almost impossible to remain completely stoic as soon as he flashes his utterly intoxicating sweet smile. Alamak...Can never marah lama-lama one! Hati cair la! Next time, I have to put paper bag over his face, in order to maintain my objectivity in my argument! Hahaha!!!

Nonetheless, I am reminded of why I fell in love with him in the first place. And it's a wonderful, wonderful feeling!

CARE FOR SOME HOT CHOCOLATE?

Woo-hoo!!! One of my favourite gals has finally decided to enter the realm of blogging. Check her writings at http://chocolateteapotblog.blogspot.com/

She's the epitome of everything hip and cool. Though we seldom get the opportunity, she makes the perfect shopping mate. The one person whom I trust to get me that perfect black dress or that perfect pair of earrings in my absence. Our tastes resonate well with each other.

She understands what it feels like to be a wannabe fashionista stuck in the mind and body of a goddamned lawyer! Hahaha!!!. Most importantly, we always have this dream....of owning our own fashion business...someday. We're still holding on to that dream, right girl????

BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!

There are so many things to be vented out, but workload is too taxing at the moment. Frustration gets the better of me at times, at the expense of my loved one(s).

And one more thing, I don't know how to justify why I called my late grandmother wor-wor. As far as I can remember, that was how I addressed her. I know it sounds funny to some and they ridicule the name.

Please make fun of me and my ramblings as much as you want. But don't do the same to my late grandmother. It's just ain't nice...

THE WONDER YEARS - PART ONE

I miss my childhood spent with my late grandma, whom I fondly called wor-wor and my grandfather whom all the cucus (grandchildren) call Ayoh. Due to the nature of my father's job, I spent many memorable years with my grandparents, in a fishing village called Beserah, about 10 minutes drive from Kuantan.

Wor-wor was never one who expressed her affection well openly. She was alway a bit on the stern side. And Ayoh has a funny way of showing his love for his grandchildren. On top of that, he speaks in proses. As a child, I always found that amusing, trying to unlock the secret code hidden in our many conversations. We spent many afternoons talking on the pangkin (elevated wooden platform) under the pauh tree in front of the house.

Ayoh is also a well known traditional healer. So, our house in the kampung was always filled with strangers. My task was always to rush to the nearby pisang goreng stall, ran by wor-wor's sister-in-law and buy some banana fritters and keropok lekor. Our guests seldom left the house with their stomach empty. It's always teh o' panas, pisang goreng and keropok lekor. Occasionally, there'd be kuih akok (a mixture off eggs, sugar, flour baked in brass mould). Kuih akok is yummy, especially the one baked by this particular lady who was my mom's cousin (I honestly forgotten her name and she has since passed away). The popularity of her kuih akok reached epic proportion when a local tv station interviewed her, many, many years ago. She was supposed to hand down the family secret to one of us but sadly, she passed away before it could be done. Since then, it's rather difficult to find yummylicious kuih akok.

I was also sent to kelas mengaji (Quran recital classes). The whole procedure and tradition were so intricate that, looking at it retrospectively, I can't help but feel proud to be part of this rich cultural heritage. A child will usually start the class at the tender age of four or five. In my case, I started when I was 5 years old. I remember the day quite vividly; Wor-wor prepared yellow glutinous rice with chicken rendang. She also bought some bananas. After our morning prayer, we had breakfast and later she placed all the food on a round weaved rattan tray. As we got ready to leave the house, she placed the tray on her head and we started the walk to my tok guru's house which was about 1 kilometre away. And mind you, we lived by the sea so it means wor-wor had to walk on sand with her feet buried at every move and at the same time carrying and trying to balance the tray on her head!

My tok guru (teacher) was also wor-wor's close friend (the significance of this relationship shall reveal itself soon). Upon our arrival, we gave our salam and soon enough I saw other kids around my age sitting in line, at the living hall, all of them reciting verses from the Quran at the top of their lung. I was so nervous I wanted to run away, but I knew wor-wor would chase me around the village and I'd be given some good spankings. So, with all my limbs shivered, I tailed her from behind trying not to make any eye contact with any of the kids.

We were ushered straight to the kitched by one of the daughters. Wor-wor placed the tray on the floor and we all sat in front of my soon to be tok guru. This is akin to the official handing over of the child to the teacher. Usually the guardian would tell the teacher to punish the child, spank if necessary, if he or she is not obedient enough. The rule is: so long as you don't wound the kid, the teacher is free to do almost anything to discipline the student. And the rule is especially true if the child is your relative or the granddaughter of your close friend.

Soon after and before she left, wor-wor asked me to behave and not cause any trouble there. I wanted to cry but was too afraid to do so. And so, my mengaji days officially started. There are so many stories to tell, I could not even begin. I guess I just have to take my time in sharing those experiences.

What I find amazing about this institution is that it was free of charge. These learned man and women did it as part of their contribution to the community. There was never any mention of money. Nowadays, Quran recital classes do not come cheap. And it's not quite the same anymore. I know, I know...time has changed and I can't expect things to be like what it was before. It's a pity my kids will not know of such experience. I'll make sure they hear the stories...to let them know that their mother comes from kampung and life did not actually start in the city for her. Deep down, she will always be the kampung girl from a fishing village and she is proud of it.

For some odd reasons, I'm missing my wor-wor greatly today. Al-Fatihah...


- Many more tales from my childhood to come.

DROWNING

I woke up earlier with a heavy feeling in my chest. And it has definitely killed off my usual morning zest. I could feel the tears hanging on the ledge of my eyes. Hold it back, hold it back!! Start to count your blessings and get the happy thoughts running. List out your favourite things and focus on something you can look forward to! YOU deserve to be happy! (as Kak Semah always said).

Sometimes, I just get this feeling of uselessness and helplessness...

I pray the day will get better as it progresses.

EMBRYOLOGY MONOLOGY

Ok, this is another post based on one of my morning reads...

UK's public health minister, Caroline Flint has given her nod for the lifting of "the need for father" from the Embryology Act. This means that any single woman or lesbian couple can now seek fertility treatment without much impediment. However, the onus is still on the seeker to prove that they can provide a loving and stable family environment for the kid.

"That does not mean fathers are not important. What's important is that the children are going to be, as far as we know, part of a loving family. We are considering whether the need for a father is something we need to have," Ms Flint told MPs.

I know some men will be jumping off of their chair at that statement. But please, don't be quick to melatah la.

Let's look at the issue from the most pragmatic perspective and decide thereafter whether there's any merit at all for having such legislations. ( I think I need to disclaim myself at this juncture; I understand as a muslim, I am not allowed to fornicate or have the semen from a man who is not my husband be inseminated inside my womb. I'm not challenging that. I am more inclined to discuss the issue of family vis-a-vis the baby, what we define as a family and whether there is such a thing as the ideal composition of family members or the ideal healthy family environment for children. So, I have limited my scope and no "holier than thou" here, please.)

Family is defined as a social unit living together; A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children. (taken from wordnet.princeton and answers.com).

Evidently, the definition is generic enough to grant the formation of a family without the specific requirement of a mother and father. Yes, to a certain extent, I agree. A great number of children these days grow up without a consistent mother or father figure in their lives. Just because there is an absence of a father, does that make a family dysfunctional? Or if we turn the card around, do we think that a father makes a bad mother and thus incapacitating the family structure?

Biologically, yes, we need both the man and woman to unite in a concerted effort, be it in the bedroom or lab in their effort to produce another human being. Unfortunately, and more often than not these days, the unity stops there.

I personally think that we cannot be so rigid with the definition. A family, whatever it may consist of, is important to a baby, no doubt. It provides the protective and nurturing environment in which the baby can grow up healthily. It should also be able to create a safehaven when the baby feels threatened or when it needs comforting.

If a family, regardless of its composition, can provide enough love, affection, attention and education to a baby, who are we to insist on otherwise? Raising a kid should not be a gender biased issue. Yes, a woman gives birth and biologically she is a mother. But how do we define a mother beyond the biological confine? Should it not extend to raising the kid as well? If the biological mother does not raise her biological child and some other person decides to take up the role, should we deprive that other person the honour of becoming the child's mother? Same goes to men who donate their semen to one of those special banks.

It is evident that family structure has evolved with time. Without imposing my morality unto anyone, I do not see any problem with two women or two men raising a kid together. Just because an individual is a homosexual does not mean he or she will be a bad parent. Mind you, heterosexuality does not guarantee inherent good parenting skills. So long as parents, be it mother or father, have the best of intention and provide all that is needed in raising a child, I say "Kudos to them!".

TBC (my boss misses me already!)

MY FELLOW KEEPER OF JUSTICE

I know this might sound odd, coming from a lawyer, but, I HATE dealing with lawyers, especially when they know they're dealing with one. They suddenly feel duty bound to prove their legal prowessness superiority. To be honest with you, I DON'T BLOODY CARE!!!

AAHH!!! THE JOY OF BEING A MALAY WOMAN...

I can't say what it is exactly, but something is bringing me down today. Maybe it's my PMS. It's the time of the month when I feel least loved by everyone around me. Stupid but true.

Work is fine. In fact, I think my boss loves me too much!! He still thinks that I was born a Hindu Goddess with ten hands (though sometimes I wish I could be one!). Yes boss, I love you too, but not that much.

However, of late, I have learnt to balance my life a bit. I learned that no one, ABSOLUTELY no one is indispensable at work. Secondly, work will never end. Perhaps, having my B around has helped myself to see the light. Nowadays, I look forward to going home in the evenings. It's ok to enjoy myself during weekends without having to camp in the office.

I remember how my mom used to complain about my working habit and for her, it's just a form of escapism from reality for yours truly. She said I was just afraid to face the truth about everything else in life; I made myself busy with work and thus, leaving no time to deal with other more important things. What she's really trying to say was that "Girl! You need to go out there and find yourself a good husband. You being a kampung, malay, Muslim woman and all...It just ain't cool to have a daughter who is likened to a merchandise not sold at the tail end of Mega Sale."

It doesn't matter the fact that her daughter is doing great in her career. The ultimate yardstick of success for any respectable Malay woman are still marriage and how good she is at gestating as many children as possible. No, I am not condemning my heritage. Don't get me wrong, sil vous plez. I just feel that some of the views on women are rather archaic. Again, I'm not saying having a family and children are not noble. Hell! I want to have them too. Soon. But they should not be the ultimate goal for every woman. And women should not be condemned and labelled with derogatory names simply because we choose a different path!

I'm not just talking about myself here. I believe there are many Malay women out there who share similar frustration (or is it really just ME??). I see it as unnecessary pressure. To all mommies out there; please, have some pity on your daughters. Finding the right man and getting married are not the easiest things to do these days, though I wish it was the case. And when your daughter is finally dating someone whom she adores totally, please, PLEASE don't make her appear like a desperate spinster by making her feel bad when she's not able to make the man commit to a lifetime partnership soon enough. Please bear in mind that she needs to keep some of her pride and dignity intact.

Give your daughter some space to breath. Learn to trust her judgement. Don't you want her to be with someone whom she loves and who loves her equally in return? And finally, be happy for your daughter, even if she's not married with five kids in tow. Be happy for her, simply because she is happy. Is that too much to ask?

Ok, where was I again???

A SECOND CHANCE

Whilst reading The Guardian Online this morning, I came across a rather interesting article. It's about rehabilitating paedophiles. In 2002, the Home Office set up three pilot schemes based on a similar model from Canada.

The whole idea behind the project is that we should stop dehumanizing these offenders and that any effort is a good effort, if we can, to a certain extent, stop the offenders from committing the crime again.

I have mixed feeling about the program. Though I cannot discount the merit of such effort, I can't seem to erase the images of those sexually abused children from my head. These kids are scarred for life! Should we not put more effort and time on the children instead? To hell with these sick, psychotic mother#$%&*@!!! What about the victims???

But on a more assertive plateau, I have to admit that I am a firm believer of preventive action. It's all about mitigating risks. Interestingly enough, one of the volunteers talked about "restorative justice". It means that the community accepts a responsibility for the reintegration of offenders - on moral grounds and to prevent further victims, some of whom could themselves become paedophiles. "If I can stop anybody harming a child, then that's of value to me," said the volunteer.

If we think about it, we neither have the resources nor the time to monitor every offender and potential offender. And let's face it, Sungai Buloh prison is already crammed like a sardin can and we can't possibly chuck all these offenders in there and wait for them to rot and die. Crammed and overpopulated prisons pose a different set of problems. Think Carandiru and you will know where I'm coming from.

To give credit to the program, statistics have shown that none of the 25 convicted paedophiles at high risk of causing serious harm has committed a new sexual offence. Without the program, the risk of offending in this group, within a short time of leaving prison, is assessed at 60% by the Home Office.

Pretty commendable figures. However, I'm still not hundred percent convinced. Assimilating these offenders back into society is not without its risks. However, if we sidelined them, it's as if we're shoving the problem under the carpet and it's only a matter of time before the stench and foulness ruin the carpet.

It's a fine balancing act; On one hand, I do not want to dehumanize anyone. But on the other, I do not want to have individuals, who can potentially threat the safety and well being of my loved ones, to live in my community. I have always been taught to not have any prejudice against anyone. But, under these circumstances, am I allowed to discount such values? It's a question that I still ponder upon.

Yes, "sedangkan nabi maafkan umatnya...". But I am not a Nabi! I'm far from it!!

I'm still thinking...

CLAIMING MY STAKE

My baby and I went out on a double date with Rano and his wifey, Rina last Friday evening. We ended up at this food place in Ampang where they had a BIG screen to cater to those football thirst patrons, my baby and Rano included. So there we were, Rina and myself, sandwiched between these two men who were so engrossed with the game. Seriously! Their eyes were glued to the screen the whole time!

Had an interesting conversation with my B later that night. We talked about how far both of us would go to fight for what is ours (in other words, each other).

I have to say, my answer lies on the premise that we cannot force someone to love us. And I must admit, matters of the heart are difficult to decipher. More often than not, we are left in the lurch, not knowing where to go or where we stand. I concluded by saying that I would withdraw myself if a third party were to ever come between us.

"You're not going to fight for me and claim what is yours?" he asked.

"Nope", I said.

After all, why would I fight for someone who clearly has one foot at the door? That would be selling myself short! It's either you're in or you're out.

"Well, I'll fight for you. I will fight till every avenue is exhausted. I'll take a moment and think about what I have not done enough and what I could have done more. Sometimes, it is quite easy to take your other half for granted, especially if you've been together for a long time. We tend to forget all the small little things that used to make her smile, for example."

Ok. He has a point. Maybe it was my ego talking earlier on. I sat back and I looked at him. Then I asked myself...would I fight for him? Honestly???

I certainly do not want to lose him. As proud as I want to be, I certainly cannot deny the fact that he IS the best thing that has happened to me in recent years. So...will I fight for him and claim what is mine? Will I admit, where necessary, that I might have taken him and his love for granted? Will I be willing to swallow my pride and work my way to his heart again?

Under different circumstances, I imagine myself brushing off such thoughts instantaneously. A hopeless romantic, yes I am. But I'm not one to bow to any man either (did I tell you that I'm such a contradiction...I even make myself dizzy at times!).

Truth be told, I will fight for him. I'll swallow my pride and admit my mistakes if I am at fault. One quick trip down memory lane left me almost breathless. We're lucky if we fall in love once in our life time. But if we experience it twice, then we are truly blessed.