I don't know why I get all teary eyed suddenly. Maybe it's the dust. Maybe it's my pair of disposable contact lense that's expiring soon. Maybe it's the story about certain friends that has made me realized even more of how lucky I am.
As usual, I will not get into the detail of the story or the personalities involved. Suffice to say, I was shocked and saddened. I just wish she'd realize what she's leaving behind. Good men are hard to come by these days. They are like rare commodities. And this lady is definitely throwing a gem into the drain. This man in question is definitely not a whim, let alone a loser! You know how it is...Sometimes, you can sort of tell that it's coming (though I am always very happy to be proven wrong on this!). But not this couple. They gave each other space to breath and grow. And they have achieved so much together! Recently, she dropped the bomb and it's all history.
How vulnerable a relationship can be. And how easy it is to lose sight of things if we don't have the habit of keeping them in check. Past experiences have taught me the following:
(a) Sometimes I just have to leave my ego at home - Never forget to tell the person how much you love him/her. Put aside your pride and ego. No such thing as "I will only tell him/her if I think he/she deserves it." We never know what's gonna happen tomorrow. What if there's no more tomorrow for both of us?
(b) There's no such thing as the "I love you" budget for the week - Also, there's no quota to fill. Definitely no hard and fast rule on that. When you feel like it, say it. If you don't feel like it, then don't, though prolong absence of the phrase
might indicate trouble in little paradise.
(c) Always try to resolve whatever issues that I have with my loved ones before I go to sleep - You should close your eyes with a clear mind. I find waking up with issues bugging is definitely not the kind of booster that I need in the morning, unless I have the luxury of pondering upon the issue all day long without having to go out and earn a decent living. The last time I check, my boss doesn't give a toss about my other existence. As far as he's concerned, I live to work.
(d) It's ok to be jealous - My B is going to laugh soooo hard because he knows I stay true to this. All the time! Yes, it is ok to be jealous. But it has to be controlled. Don't want to end up looking like a crazy biatch. Those suffering in silence, let me tell you, jealousy can be avoided by not creating any room for doubt in that crazy head of your partner. Doubts have the tendency to stimulate the creative side of the brain, often stretching it to match the most twisted plot in a hindustani movie. In other words to the crazy partner, try not to be too paranoid. Yes B, I am reminding myself, in a way. Which takes me to the next one:
(e) Learn to trust your partner - I have to admit, I had difficulty with this one, initially. Having been out with and almost married a monogomously challenged man, I found it hard to have enough trust in a man for any decent relationship. This unfortunately, needs a lot of help from the partner. As for me, it took a lot of convincing and reassurances. I still need them every now and then. Not to say that I don't trust the man I'm with. I trust him enough. I just need affirmation, every now and then.
(f) Never forget to say thank you - A lot of us tend to forget this, especially after so many years of being together. Believe me, this is when one starts to feel like he/she has been taken for granted by the other person. There's nothing wrong by saying "Thank you for the lovely dinner darling" or "Thank you for ironing the clothes Baby". It shows our appreciation and that we take notice of what the other person is doing for us. Let's face it. We all can do with a little appreciation once in a while.
(g) Have fun with each other - A lot of couple fall into the trap of routine and hectic scheduling. They forget to have fun with each other. I learn that I should always have some quality time with my loved one. Our weekend getaways have proven to be smashing so far! We left the work behind and we're completely relaxed. We would talk for hours and we always return with this refreshed feeling. Go out on movie dates! Dancing! Moonlight picnic on the balcony! So many things to do together....
(h) Communicate - I learn that I must always communicate with my partner. Never hide what I feel or think. This is something my B and I promise to adhere to religiously. We don't want to repeat our past mistakes with our previous partner. If we have something that bugs us, we will let it out on the table and try to resolve it. I hate confrontation with whoever that's close to my heart (this has always been a problem to me), but I learn from my B that sometimes, if we don't confront our problem and let it out, it will grow inside us and will eat us from inside. So, I am learning to express myself bit by bit.
I hope no one will take any of these the wrong way. I am not saying that I have the perfect relationship or that the above should be the mantras for one. They're just
some of the lessons I've learnt along the way. And sometimes, writing them down acts as a reminder. Thus, in a way, I am reminding myself of the lessons.
More importantly, a relationship will only work if both parties want it to work. Most of the time, it means a lot of HARD work (and NOT without the fun, mind you). But then, if it's worth all the effort, why not?
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9.2
